the ART of PEOPLE – by Dave Kerpen [Book Sharing]

June 6, 2017

I bought the book at 18 May 2017 in VHHH Terminal 2. It costs HKD$160.

Not including the introduction, conclusion and 2 appendix, there is 11 topics with 53 chapters. Form my perspective, it is no any topic useless as well as connected to one and others – just like the key concept of the book. Now, I would like to share some quote from the book.

The secret to getting people to adore you is to shut up and listen – P.27

Now, you are reading my book sharing, you are literally a listener.

In the book, Dave emphasize more than one times about the importance of listening. He did a little summary at P.113

The point is that to influence others, you have to know when to shut up and listen…reasons listening?

other person feel heard

you have an opportunity to think

Dave suggests us make connection with others by listening and asking questions and then listening some more.

Of course, our every minutes counts when we are spending it with people! Dave, the author share 3 steps to blow off people -:

Physical interaction – both at the beginning and the end of the conversation

to-the-point

Providing value to the other person before ending the conversation

Dave is so nice to provide 2 ways to blowoff in controllable circumstances at P.53

Keep moving (if face-to-face)

give the signal that you have other priorities right now. DO NOT ignore anyone- just reply with one-word response (if email/text)

we may learn the key concept and change a little bit to our own way to safeguard our priceless intangible asset.

The most important question you’ll ever ask: “How can I help you?” – P.84

Either we are a listener or if we want to help others (and no matter they give you an opportunity to help or decline you), just ask the most important question – “How can I help you?”

However-

Do unto others as they would want done to them. -P.97

Just as Dave mentioned in the book – everyone is not the same – we are different individual. We must have our own trait.

Leaders share a mutual goal – influencing people!

But- NEVER say, “I have an idea” no matter how fucking excellent idea you have.

one of the solutions shared by Dave –

I bet our CEO is going to…. -P102

See…?! It is not my suggestion …I am just a small potato. The CEO is going to implement that…. It’s not my idea…it’s Dave’s idea.

Innovation is necessary because everyone can adapt one day and we want to see what’s news…otherwise, there is no newspaper. (funny?) >3<”

Think back the reason why I type the post is intriguing – I am one of the member in aviation industry – the industry require our improvement, emphasize sharing, and need our passion.

What is passion then?

Passion is Nothing Without Persistence – Chapter 22

Persistence is defined as “firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.” In other words, when the going gets tough, you keep trying. – P.105

OIC…fucking suitable definition although I do not know where Dave check the significance.

Persistence isn’t trying things twice or three times or even four times. Persistence is trying until you get what you want OR go down swinging. Persistence is trying until you drop. Persistence is continuing until you are certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s time to move on and collect the lessons from the failure. – P.105

Passion is only enough for the starting, but Persistence is the key to get what we want…so let us refuse to give up on our goal.

Leadership – the word is not uncommon in our life, particularly if you are pursue the same goal with me – to be a leader 😛

“It’s not my job to teach you. It’s your job to learn. I’m just here to coach you along the way.” – P.153

“I’ am a student, just lie you. I’ve just been learning this stuff little bit longer than you’ve been.” -P.153

Both saying are said by Dave’s teacher…what? Yes! Don’t blind by your position…even we may someday be a “teacher”, but just treat ourselves as a student – we are not better than our “student” and the fact is that we’ve just been learning the stuff a little bit longer than they.

“No I in team, but there sure as hell is an I in leadership. -P.163

“very few people take leadership classes in school, yet so many are called on to become leaders. – P.164

3 Things on which great leaders have to focus: – P.165

set Vision

make sure right people in right seats

make sure enough resources (and money)

Dave also pointed out the ‘Mirror neurons’ that similar to “踢貓理論” at P.169.

Mirror neurons -that ‘mirror’ the emotions of the person who’s speaking to us…if you’re in a bad mood, your audience become a ‘bad’ audience

So-

you have a choice each and every time. You can choose to stay in a bad mood and risk having that mood rub off on your followers, or you can get yourself to a positive place and transfer that positive energy. – P.170

“You can be a leader no matter what.” – P.184

“we could all set a good example for others and guide them to do the right thing, regardless of who had been chosen that day to walk at the head of the line.” – P.184

Somehow, we may have conflict with others or we may have chances to be a broker.

“I’m here to help you. Whether or not you walk out of this room with suspension or other consequences, please know that above all else, I am here to help” …”In a strange way, that statement put me at ease.” – P.190

“I’d love to hear both sides of the story, and then….I’ll help you come ….with a fair resolution” – P.190

“A” will not get trouble from “B” IN EXCHANGE “A” do sth for “B”. Neither of them would be suspended or otherwise punished for the incident…and if either of them had any more issues with each other or anyone else, they would definitely face a suspension – “Win-Win outcome” – P.191

If you are not a broker, you are one who are involved in such case – just remember –

it’s impossible to resolve conflicts with someone in a state of rage or in any highly volatile emotional state – P.194

Dave also share his cases with solution at P.201

gives that person some time and space

time for an appointment in a quiet, safe place for a meeting

both agree not to be offended or get defensive – LISTENING and UNDERSTANDING

by mirrors and validates

Apologized profusely

agree to at least one of the solutions

both people celebrate the successful resolution

The reason why I share the book to you because I share mutual insight with him as well as I cannot agree with his viewpoint at all:

“People love praise. You can never praise people too much.” – P.218

“Criticism has exactly the opposite effect on people….sometimes it does have a seemingly positive short term impact…but you risk hurting and even losing your team in the long run.” – P.219

People do need to be urged, but the fact is that all of us love praise!

Dave suggest a quick guide to giving feedback effectively at – P.220

NEVER in front of other people – one-on-one private discussion

“praise sandwich” – start with like (good), continue with negative feedback, close by value AND how confident you are in him/her

make sure to offer positive solutions

DO N’T dell on the negative, and look for the future

“the ART of PEOPLE” is an excellent “skill-tool-reference handbook” that I have bought recently.

Many people are so afraid to get a “no” that they don’t ask for a getting a “no” by not asking for a “yes”.

Embrace the fear of “no”. Then ask for the “yes.” – P.120

Wish you enjoy the book…and I hope that one day I read the post can recall this excellent collection in my home library.